Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
