I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
