so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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