You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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