so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
