you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
