Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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