My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
