we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
