lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
