Just fell off a train. Bad.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
