she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize