I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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