just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
