zippers are such a cool invention
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
