He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
