I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
