Non-Jews are for practice
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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