so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
not ubering you a puppy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
