btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
