My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize