id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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