I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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