hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
