The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
