Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize