Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
