dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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