I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
