I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
