His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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