yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
