Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize