In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
