HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
