im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
