I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
