Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
