Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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