I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
