I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
