when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
