pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
