if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
