I'm gonna have a badass scar
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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