If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
