i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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