Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
