so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i now understand why vodka
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
