So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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