my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
