Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
