apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
