Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just google imaged poop.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize