So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
