So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
