wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
