Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
