Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
ttyl tear gas
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
