I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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