she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
