Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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