I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
