I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
