Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
