i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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