You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No...this little piggys going to the bar
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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