Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
