Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
