i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How drunk are you?
Completed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
