Girls should come with a carfax report
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
