the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
