I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
