I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
