left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
